Step one: accept it will take years, and a lot of work
First and foremost. This will be the hardest thing you ever have to do. Setbacks are catastrophic when depressed. You have no energy. All you want to do is die. You do not see the point. Hope, desire, and motivation are deeply buried and largely invisible. You will come worryingly close to death
Step two: observe your environment
Chances are your environment sucks and much of your depression is situational. A lot of this could be inflicted by the depression, for example without the motivation to clean up maybe you live in trash. With a fear of people maybe you're lonely. A self-doubt allows others to take advantage of you whilst manipulating you and making you further doubt yourself
A life-altering change is necessary, something that significantly changes your status quo
Step three: pick your life-changing first goal
I recommend this being a literal change in your environment. Move out. Get away. Cut out contact with certain people. Find a new job. The goal has to feel bold and scary, but conversely feasible and not complicated. Pick the most important one - don't burden yourself with high expectations by trying to do everything at once
Step four: commit
Now begin the work. Start throwing away trash, looking at where you want to go, research jobs you might find interesting and the skills required.
This is where you will experience your first setbacks and they will hit you hard. Expect from here on out that everything will take at least twice as long as you think and will be at least twice as hard. There wiill be days where no matter how much I try to convince you otherwise it will feel impossible. This feeling will even last for months. Just get back to it when you can and when you feel ready
Remember, you are fighting a demon inside you. One that takes the lives of many. You have one of the hardest tasks on the planet
Step five: get help
You might not find help in big ways, but even help in little ways helps a lot. If you can afford it, speak to a therapist. Be prepared to try a few and don't be afraid of cutting them out if they're not helping. Speak to a company that specialises in helping hoarders clean out. Speak to a friend about your goals. If they offer help then take it
But also be prepared to be disappointed at how little help you will receive. Unfortunately this is your battle and yours alone. Other people are less interested than they project. It helps to find support from others, but yeah, be prepared for the reality that the support you are offered is lackluster in comparison to what it could be, and what you need
Step six: grind
Keep going. Chip away at it when you can. Take the setbacks and punishment. Feel embarrassed and guilty. Feel absolutely defeated and like there is only a single thread of sanity left. Sleep. Sleep a lot. Spend hours and hours in bed. But chip away at it. Bit by bit, day by day, month by month
Step seven: change your life
Now comes the first payout. Eventually your grinding will pay off. You'll be ready to leave your environment and to start fresh
This won't change everything. In fact you might feel disappointed, or that it's anticlimatic. That's the depression. Do find some joy. Do follow through on the reasons for the change. You might not reach the heights you hoped for, but you now have your first big success, and intertia. Well done. Really. Unbelievably difficult making it this far and the world will not appreciate that
Step eight: find joy sometimes
You're now in an environment and situation that can spark joy. Let it. Enjoy yourself when you can. Your depression will feel a little easier to manage. Cook some meals, keep things clean, go outside, speak to people. You don't have to be perfect, but keep yourself above your previous baseline
Setbacks will continue. They won't go away. Maybe ever. They will often feel just as hard as ever. But over time I promise you, the moments with joy will increase, and begin to fill a larger gap in your life
Step nine: go easy on yourself
You've made it this far. Those moments of joy still won't feel like much. The depression will still be consuming. Go easy on yourself. This is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, and then some
You're not even half way through yet. But look at the progress you've made. The hardest part is behind you, though at times it won't feel like it
Step ten: grind
Exactly the same as step six. But the difference now is that you can grind for joy. Prioritise that. Centralise your grind around it. Find those moments of sunshine and use what little energy you have to work towards them
Step eleven: branch out
Do some exercise, cook the occasional healthy meal, make eye contact with a stranger, make a hot chocolate, sit in some nature and take a deep breath, read a book, listen to the rain, reach out to a friend, try a new hobby, plan a holiday
Just branch out a little. Not everything at once. But now that you have a few little moments of joy, try putting a little bit of your grind in to new things and new areas of your life to improve
Step twelve: go easy on yourself, grind, and branch out
Repeat the process. Go easy on yourself when the depression grabs hold. Grind when you find a shred of motivation. Branch out and explore. Repeat the process
